You Know You're in Cameroon When...

Well, since my last entry I have passed the 6 month mark in country!  Although time has flown by and it doesn't feel nearly that long, time does bring a certain degree of familiarity and - dare I say? - comfort.  In fact, there have been several moments when I have almost forgotten where I am.  But don't worry - Cameroon has been kind enough to provide plenty of little reminders whenever I start to think I might be back in America.  If you're having a similar problem of disorientation, check the list below for a few ways to know you're definitely in Cameroon.

The following are all based on actual events.

·         You find a dead spider in your belly button.

·         A kid looks at you and gets so scared he immediately pees his pants.

·         Your neighbor offers you a snack… of roasted termites.  And you accept.

·         You use powdered milk and canned meat regularly and you appreciate them both for being a source of protein other than beans.

·         You ride motorcycle taxis everywhere and act (legitimately) outraged if they try to charge you more than $0.40.

·         During an important meeting with a government official, a chicken walks through the room, and no one flinches.

·         Your French teacher informs you, earnestly, that you can tell when someone has been visited by a vampire because they wake up feeling like they’ve had sex but in reality they didn’t.  So basically every sex dream you’ve ever had has been a vampire attack. (Worth it?)

·         Your casual waste disposal is throwing trash on the side of the road.  Your formal waste disposal is throwing trash on the side of the road and then burning it.

·         Instead of a fork, you’re given a bowl of water to wash your hands before your meal.  And the food is a ball of gooey starch with chopped vegetables and it’s not finger food at all and what are these people thinking.

·         Your neighbor tells you how fat you’ve gotten and you’re forced to say “thank you.”

·         Your water heater is your stove.  And your oven is your stove.  And your fireplace is your stove and/or the heap of trash burning in your yard.

·         You are no longer fazed by 6-year-olds playing with machetes, except that they shouldn’t be playing, they should get back to work.

·         You put mayonnaise on your omelets and on your salads.

·         You buy ingredients for a typical chicken dinner, and the title character is still alive and squawking.

·         Every time it rains, your laundry gets another rinse cycle.

·         You overhear a kid telling his friends that he said hi to you this one time.

·         When people talk to you about playing the lottery, they mean the visa lottery to go to the US.

·         Sometimes, it’s better not to ask what kind of meat that is.

·         (But at the butcher, you already know because the animal’s severed head is sitting on the counter.)

·         You know it’s dry season when your house and clothes are covered in dust, and you know it’s rainy season when your house and clothes are covered in mud.  You keep waiting for clean season but it’s just not coming.

·         You actually kind of prefer latrines because they don’t depend on unreliable plumbing.  Plus they’re the only safe place to dispose of batteries.  Or tampons.